Admittedly, I haven’t always been a salad person.
Well, unless it’s one of the mayonnaise-dressed cold salads that live in our fridge when the temperature goes up. Those salads are more of a coping mechanism, when I can’t be bothered to heat up the kitchen. Sure, you can make them healthy, but is that really the point of such creations?
A couple years ago now I saw a reel on Instagram, narrated in the dull way most of these recipe videos are, that intrigued me. It was a kale salad, massaged with a vinaigrette, tossed with roasted chickpeas, nuts, dried cranberries, etc. In other words, it was just what the doctor ordered to give us a reprieve from Sloppy Joes and Conecuh dogs (both of which are sacred foods, but even the gods grow tired of sameness).
Last year, I set foot inside a Costco for the first time, and let me tell you it was glorious. One thing I picked up from there, and still do, is this celery salad. It also has a lot going on with quinoa, almonds, dried cranberries (again), etc. It’s a chopped salad, which I thought all salads were at one point or another, but there is a difference. Turns out, when you chop up all your salad like that, it makes it easier to eat and easier to dress. Which, now that I think of it, makes complete sense (see: any chicken salad).
Aside from my salad discoveries, I’ve been taking the usual stock of myself in the new year. Eventually, I realized that I was getting too comfortable with the same, old stock recipes I reach for. Last week, when I talked about biscuits? Admittedly, I love a biscuit so much that my default lunch idea is biscuits with ham or salt pork and molasses. Then, I slip on my overalls to go find a length of tough grass to chew on and whittle on the porch. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much.
My other go-to idea is homemade tomato soup when it’s cold like this, but I know where that one comes from: Andy Warhol. Although, Warhol also loved something he called “chocolate cake” which was just a Hershey bar between two slices of Wonder bread—not exactly the authority on cuisine.
Thus I’ve been whisking around the kitchen daily to see what jumps out at me from the pantry or the fridge. Sure I do this when I’m starting a new artwork (or a recipe column), but some days are more difficult than others to come up with something.
On Monday, I looked around and found almost a whole bag of celery in the crisper. Then I thought about these gigantic bags of dried fruits and nuts we have around. A lone lemon was on the counter and the cheese drawer was full, as per usual. Then, I thought about that chopped celery salad from Costco. Then, I thought “What if I’m Costco?”
All these roads led me to this celery salad, which is admittedly not my own. In fact, this one turns out to be yet another “viral” salad recipe. Don’t ask me how a salad goes viral. To me, it’s just absurd, but then again, how else does anyone find anything out nowadays? Not to mention, this recipe markets itself as “four-ingredients”, but as it turns out—it’s not. Nonetheless, it’s easy enough, four ingredients or not.
Chopped Celery Salad
Ingredients:
- 8 or more celery stalks, thinly sliced
- 8 to 10 dates, pitted and sliced thin
- 1 sweet onion, grated
- A large handful of pecans (about a 1/2 cup)
- Juice of 1–2 lemons
- 4 ounces of fresh goat cheese, or parmesan
- Extra virgin olive oil
- Salt and pepper to taste
Instructions
Roast the pecans for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees, taking care not to burn them.
While the pecans roast, assemble the dressing. Grate onion into a large bowl, followed by grating the parmesan or crumbling the goat cheese in. Add the dates and lemon juice. With a spoon, combine these ingredients with a generous pour of olive oil and with a little salt and pepper.
Since this is your dressing, make sure the consistency is neither too runny nor too thick to your celery. Allow the dressing to sit for at least ten minutes. Over time, the dates will macerate into the liquids and release more of their sweetness.
While the dressing sits, chop the celery as finely as possible, as well as the pecans. Taste the dressing at this point and adjust to your taste. Finally, combine the celery and nuts with the dressing in the bowl. Plate in a shallow bowl and enjoy.
In my usual fashion, this is not exactly like the original recipe. We happened to have a little block of goat cheese around and no parmesan like what was in the original recipe. I can’t account for what the parmesan would do, but the goat cheese made a really creamy dressing. It reminded me of a blue cheese dressing in many ways.
Also in the original recipe, there’s no pepper. I just threw it in, out of habit. High quality olive oil will go far in a recipe like this, since it’s one of your main flavor components.
Altogether, this took me about 20 minutes of active cook time, albeit at a leisurely pace. If you’re cooking for only two people, you have the luxury of cooking at a leisurely pace. Unless the second person is Gordon Ramsey on camera or something.
Between this and my blueberry oatmeal for breakfast, I’ve been living more “health consciously,” if you will. Jane Fonda’s Workout Tape alone has been whipping me into shape, but my typical vice of milk and cookies was starting to make all that working out feel futile.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s ways to eat healthy and not sacrifice flavor, but don’t get all judgy if you see me scarfing down a biscuit from the privacy of my car. That’s between me and the lard.
